A week ago I found myself sitting on my bed at my mom’s condo quietly grieving the life that I was about to leave. I had had plenty of goodbye dinners, lunches, parties, and coffees. I had sold most of my worldly possessions. I had even packed up my Chevy Tahoe with everything I did own to be able to start my journey the next morning as early as possible.You’d think by now it would have set in that I was moving to Texas.
Yet it wasn’t until I found myself alone, in my room, right as I laid down to go to bed the night before I was to embark on the journey that I began to truly grieve the life that I was leaving. It’s something I’ll never forget. I sat on the edge of my bed and quietly cried as I thought of everything I left behind. The words to the old country song, “How Can I Help You Say Goodbye” by Patty Loveless played in my head.
I knew deep down I was making the right decision but in that very moment I questioned everything that I was about to do. I texted one of my closest friends and asked for some prayers as I really didn’t know what else to do or say. I tried to pray but really there were no words. Then I realized I just had to left this happen – I had to work through the grief of what I was about to do. I knew that if I didn’t process this that it would just make the move all that much harder.
When I thought about this whole move I never thought about grieving the chapter of my life that I was closing up. I feel like throughout my life I’ve moved through “seasons” or had “chapters” open and close but never in my life have I had something so huge where I felt like it was so defined. So different than other “seasons” or “chapters” in my life ending.
The move wasn’t a negative one at all so I figured there would be no reason to have such sad feelings. I learned quickly I was wrong. I think somewhere in my mind I felt like I was abandoning everyone in my life. I’d like to think that I’m not a selfish person and what I was about to do felt so selfish because it was for me and me alone. Yet, I think in the end this move to Texas will be good for me and truly is what I want but it’s still hard to tell yourself that you’re doing the right thing.
On the other hand I knew that I was leaving with everyone’s blessing. I learned quickly that when you move away like this you really don’t want people to be happy to see you leave but you want them to be happy for you. Thankfully most all of my friends and family were good about articulating these feelings and I had to remind myself that everyone was truly happy for me and that it’s ok to take that leap to head to Texas…
After thinking through all this and more I was able to finally calm myself down and fall asleep. It seemed like I had just barely closed my eyes when suddenly my 5:00AM alarm was going off. I laid there staring at the ceiling. I had to will myself out of bed to get showed and on the road.
After gathering my things and saying my goodbyes to my mom and my grandma I got in my truck and began the 1400 mile journey from Columbus to San Antonio…
My Journey to Texas
This is going to be a small four part series chronicling my move process and the various stages. Being one of the biggest things that has ever taken place in my life I wanted to blog about it to share with everyone as well as for my own memories to look back on.