I woke up this morning, realized it was October 1 and found myself struggling to breathe. You see, I met Katy in September and we actually started hanging out on a consistent basis in October. I would say that October had to be Katy’s favorite month (besides her birthday that we used to celebrate for the entire month of February). She loved the cooler weather, the changing colors, haunted houses, halloween and all the things that come with the fall season. I remember that we bonded the first year over her introducing me to haunted houses – I had never been to one before meeting her. I’ll never forget that after the first haunted house – I was hooked. Over the next few years wherever life took us – we would always find each other during this season and hit up several haunted houses together.
I look at the calendar and it’s hard to believe she’s been gone for almost nine months. I thought that earlier this year I had a hard time dealing with her being gone but the closer we got to September the worse that it has been for me. We both recognized October as the month that we first met and would always talk bout how long we had known each other during this month. I’ll admit for a split second when I woke up today I thought, “Gotta call Katy – we’ve known each other for…” then realized all over again that she’s not here.
Shortly after she passed away in January I wrote her a letter – I never published it but I saved it. I guess it’s only fitting I publish it today. So if you want to know about my friend Katy, who I rode in Pelotonia in memory of and I talk so fondly about and what our friendship was like for the few short years she was in my life. Feel free to read the letter below.
Dear Katy,
Around the time of joining Pomeroy I was in a not so great place in life. I had lost a lot of my high school friends, broke up with my girlfriend and just didn’t feel like I fit anywhere. Thankfully at Pomeroy we were all new so all the new employees kind of forged this friendship. As we all know in later years it was only you, Josh and me that stayed friends till the end.
Josh would occasionally go to lunch with us and then some days he’d go to Grove City and meet this girl for lunch. Well, I felt that I had reached that point in our “work friendship” that I could give him a hard time about it. So I used to joke about you before ever meeting you that Josh was keeping you a secret and kept teasing him about his girlfriend.
Then a few short weeks later I remember coming into the office and there is this girl that I’ve never seen sitting at one of the empty desks. Could it be – the one and only Katy? Josh’s secret? I was excited so I ran over to introduce myself in hopes that you were in fact – the one and only Katy. As we all can figure out – that was you. I remember exchanging instant messenger names because you were on them all day long.
Even from that moment you made me feel welcome. It seemed like a whirlwind but quickly you were inviting me to events, introducing me to your friends and going to lunch with me.
My first real memory of us is me inviting you over to my house to wash your Honda Civic that you had for ages. I told you I was into “Car Detailing” and we made an evening of it after work. We washed our cars and listened to music that probably made the neighbors mad. Then afterwards we got some dinner and you had “The Lake House” from Netflix for us to watch (because we both shared a love for Sandra Bullock).
I remember watching that movie and at the end we sat silently on the couch, both of us wanting to cry but we didn’t want to freak out the other person – lol. After that movie we stayed up until the wee hours of the morning just talking about our past, lives, hopes and dreams. It was then I realized I had found a true friend.
You then talked me into haunted housing and I had the time of my life – it was here that I met Trevin and Miah. I’ll never forget the haunted corn maze and you almost tripping over the monsters or us laughing hysterically at Josh as he attempted to lead the way through that smoke filled house. It was here that you introduced me to the group “Blue October” which ironically was during October.
In the coming months I met more wonderful people through you – Leena, Misty, Your Mom, Sister and Brother. You never seemed to be scared to introduce me to anyone – that made me feel accepted and loved.
During the winter we had a blizzard that shut the city down and I remembered that you just got a Wii and were obsessed with Panga Golf (or something like that) and since we all lived so close Trevin, Josh, you and me all got together to play it at your house. I was told the requirement to come was I had to bring food so I went to Bob Evans and ordered off their “Blizzard” menu and arrived with essentially a large bag of toast, eggs and bacon. Things were so simple then…
After this we pretty much spent as much time possible together. The days of playing Dance Dance Revolution and Guitar Hero at my house. I would steal your extra air card and work with you from your desk at Nationwide instead of at home and when I was running calls around the city I would always stop by while you were on your smoke break to say Hi. All the movie watching, TV shows and concerts – you changed my tastes forever.
We found quickly that we liked so many of the same things – so many I can’t even begin to list them here. Yet we both brought diversity to our friendship and was always introducing the other person to something new.
Then as time went on I got fed up with Verizon and my Blackberry and called you one Saturday morning and said, “Want to go with me to the Apple Store and try and get me an iPhone 3G”. You squealed in that Katy way and said, “UH YEAH”. So we went and I got my iPhone and we ate lunch at California Pizza Kitchen (who has one of your all time favorite salads) and we called Josh who quickly made his way to the Apple store to buy one as well.
It was only a short time later that you joined us and we began using the Twinkle app to locate people in Columbus (and integrating with Twitter). It was here that we forged a new group of friends – Tammy, The Doyles, Tim, and TJ just to name a few but there were also so many others.
Then there was “Fan Boys” that you were so excited to see. We had our Twinkle group together and we were all “Tweeting” when we realized PlaceHolderZero was behind us – Dan Marshall. Who would have thought that just a short time later you two would soon be known as “Dan and Katy”. That was the first time I remember meeting Dan.
Then life got the best of us – both with a new job and months passed and we were both moving and it was all just crazy. Finally I got an e-mail from you that you told me you missed me and I said I missed you and we took a trip to G&R Tavern (the place you introduced me to a long time ago from when you and your sister went and you found world famous fried bologna and “wing-dings” which you were SO excited about) to catch up. Soon after I met Dan as your “official” boyfriend. I could always tell by the way you acted and talked about him that you loved him from the start.
I remember you wanted to know what I thought of Dan after meeting him and I remember remarking that I was shocked that you found someone like him because your past choices were not all that great. I was so excited for you guys to get that house up north and start your lives together and then again when you moved to Hilliard into the place that you felt like was truly “home”.
It was at this house that I have some awesome memories of you. I remembered in the spring/summer you called me and said, “Uh… can you help me with the yard – I am excited to work in the flower beds but have no clue what I’m doing.” I’m so happy I came over that night and helped you build those flower beds and laugh with you while we planted.
Then came this last haunted housing season where you made every event that I planned. I had a blast this year with the mansfield prison and the haunted cave. Two places that you were super excited to go to and I’m so happy that I got to experience one of your favorite things with you – one last time. I’ll never forget the smile that you always had on your face as we’d leave these places.
Then thankfully you didn’t have anyone to pick you and Dan up from the airport. I offered and you were happy to accept. I remember you telling me that you were running out of options because no one could pick you up – I think that was supposed to happen so I could do it. It was that day you met my girlfriend – Sarah. All the years we knew each other you always wanted me to date someone – and someone who would be good for me. You got to talk to her briefly in the car for the ride home and we all laughed together. You told me later that you were impressed you didn’t scare her off with your wild comments and that you liked her. I’m so glad you got to approve of her.
Then the last real memory I have of you is Thanksgiving Morning. I was house sitting for my friends Jon and Karen and I had just taken care of the dogs and had nothing to do until our dinner at 2:00 PM. You were tweeting about these delicious Vegan Pumpkin Waffles you were making and I was hungry so I jokingly said that I wish you’d save me some and you said, “well there is enough for 6 people just come over”. I said, “Now?” and you said, “lol. Sure!” So I did.
We had an awesome breakfast together – just you, Dan and me. Everything was delicious and you were so excited that you could cook and people loved it. Then we went into the living room and did the one thing that you always loved – Rock Band. We had so much fun that day and then I had to leave to go home and we said our goodbyes.
Then time just seemed to get away from me. I was trying to get ready to move, I got sick and I picked up new clients and it was year end – I just don’t know what happened. I was seeing tweets and Facebook posts that you were sick… real sick. I was always praying for you that you’d be ok. The longer this went on the more worried I became.
After speaking to your sister on Tuesday before your surgery I thought everything was going to be fine – which is why I wasn’t at the hospital that morning. Wednesday came and Dan sent me an e-mail with all the horrible details and that you were in ICU but at that time you were stable. I told him I couldn’t wait to see you and I would be by once you felt up to seeing people. That night I went to Ikea (one of our other loves we shared) with Tammy to get the furniture for my new place (furniture that you and I had admired for years). As we were in the middle of eating I got that fearful call from Trevin that you had taken a turn for the worse and to come now to the hospital.
I drove and prayed for the entire way that you’d be ok. We got there and you began to stabilize in critical condition but at least nothing was changing. It was here in the waiting room that I saw the massive amounts of people who love you. Your sister greeted me much like you used to – with a big hug and asked me if I was ok. She told me everything and we sat around that night talking about you and praying that you’d be ok.
The next day I had a work appointment I had to keep but I vowed to be there as much as I could so I went before and after my meeting to the hospital. You were in better condition – you go to talk to some people and I was so happy to hear that your sister told you everyone who had come to see you but couldn’t because of your condition. I heard that you were touched and that touches my heart. You seemed to be doing great and was resting when I left to go see Sarah that night in Dayton. I had a great dinner with her where she sat and listened to me talk about you for an hour. She’s been really great through this whole thing and has helped me a lot – I’m sure you’d be glad to know that.
Then as I drove home I got the last call that I had to come to the hospital and it was worse than the night before. When I got there Dan asked me to let the dog out and I told him I’d do it and I got to meet your new puppy – Giles. I can see why you loved him so much – he’s adorable.
Through everything I was able to hold it together and I had been pretty strong. I felt like I was being strong for you even through you weren’t there with me. Then I came back and went to that room. I turned and in walked your sister and she saw me and just grabbed me and cried – that is where I lost it. It was then that I realized – this was going to be it.
Those few short hours sometime feel like days passing as we waited to hear the updates on your condition. They came down and said the next group can go and we all felt your mom and sister should go again and your mom looked right at me and said, “No, John you go” – that meant so much to me. Your sister grabbed my hand and Tammy put her arm around me and walked me down the hall.
As I got closer to the actual ICU unit I realized finally what was happening and I broke down and your sister squeezed my hand and said to be strong. I turned that corner and saw you there. I didn’t even think it was you at first with the swelling and tubes and wires. Katy… my Katy… who was full of life and energy was lying there helpless. All I wanted to do was hug you but couldn’t. You were fighting and I was praying that you weren’t in pain and then we were quickly ushered out as you began to have heart issues again.
Finally the doctor came into the room and told us that medically there was nothing more they could do. They then asked the family and us to come down to your room. I really lost it that time. I stood at the end of your bed as you began to be as comfortable as you could be but you were losing the battle. I’d like to say that I saw you take your last breath and be at peace but I couldn’t live with the fact that I had to watch you pass so I asked Tammy if I could leave.
I walked to the front hall and called my Mom. After she said “Hello” I just lost it and spent the next five minutes crying harder than I ever had. I was devastated – I didn’t even know where to go from there. Then at 2:16 on Friday, January 14 you left us. Everyone returned to the conference room and all we could do is try our best to comfort each other.
After a short while we were given an opportunity to go back and say our last goodbyes. Tammy, Josh and I went back and we said goodbye then stood around and began to remember you for the girl you were in our lives and we cried and we laughed. Then we all headed to our respective homes to try and sleep.
I was moving that night and the next day and I can’t count how many times I picked up my phone and almost called, tweeted or texted you. I has been so hard to remember that you’re not here anymore.
I began to try and find the perfect song to remember our friendship by and what more fitting than Blue October. I think this song always fit me and you and I loved this song – in fact we sang it together back in October together in the car as we drove to a hunted house.
It’s Just Me
Blue October
I lost a piece of me in you;
I think I left it in your arms.
I forget the reasons I got scared,
But remember that I cared quite a lot.
You see but lately I’ve been on my own.
Yeah one, but one by choice.
You see, thats a first for me,
There’s only me, yeah theres only me,
And now I realize for once,
It’s just me.
It’s just me.
It’s just me,
And I’ll find a way to make it,
There’s noone left to stop me.
Here I go.
Can we take it from the top?
So why so long?
So sad, I wanna be strong.
Don’t try to take this from me.
I’m already spent living half my life undone
So why so long?
So sad, I wanna be strong.
Don’t try to take this from me.
I’ve already spent my life living half undone.
I’ve been talking to my aunts and uncles, mom and dad again.
I’ve been finding out that I have what this world calls friends.
I’ve tried to push them all away,
They push me back and wanna stay
And that’s one good thing I have.
I’m gonna feel a peace in me,
I’m gonna feel at home.
I’m gonna make this cloud above me disappear, be gone.
I wanna feel a punch inside, my heart beat on the floor.
I don’t wanna hurt no more.
Yeah it’s just me.
It’s just me
And I’ll find a way to make it.
There’s noone left to stop me.
Here I go, can we take it from the top?
So why so long?
So sad, I wanna be strong.
Don’t try to take her from me.
I’ve already spent my life living half undone.
So why so long?
So sad, I wanna be strong.
Don’t try to take her from me.
I’ve already spent my life living half undone.
I used to be the one who won before.
I used to smile but dont no more.
I’m living just to watch it all go by.
Oh Katy… Words can’t express what your friendship meant to me. You leaving us has left this huge hole not only in our hearts but also in our world. Where ever you are Katy know that you are very loved and you will always hold a special place in our hearts.
With all my love,
John C. Massie
