The alarm was blaring. I opened my eyes, looking at the ceiling and slowly got out of bed. As I stumbled around the room I quickly put on some clothes, grabbed my water bottle, apple and keys then head out the door.
Today was going to be my first CrossFit workout since the memorial WOD for Scott that I posted about previously. I haven’t really said it but I haven’t been able to bring myself to go back to CrossFit since Scott passed away.
You see, Scott was the one that got me into CrossFit. He was my own personal CrossFit cheerleader. I remember when I first started CrossFit it was actually supposed to be the weekend that Scott had his surgery in February of 2014. I skipped my first class to be at the hospital and he promptly gave me crap about it post surgery.
I went back to Ohio and started in at CrossFit. Even with all that Scott was dealing with – fresh off of brain surgery and dealing with his cancer diagnosis he would call and ask me how CrossFit was going. He’d text me and make sure I was going then ask me how the WoD was. He’d encourage me every chance he got and would always tell me to not give up and to stick with it. Scott will forever be the person that I associate CrossFit with in my life.
So, in moving to Texas I got the privilege to share CrossFit with Scott on a regular basis. A gift that I’m forever grateful for. By the time that we got to workout together he had some balance issues but that never stopped him. No matter what he was dealing with physically he would go to the box and workout. On especially bad days he would still go and would just use the rower. I will never forget the WoDs that we got to do together. He really taught me what it meant to never give up.
After Scott passed away I found myself in a bit of a spiral. I started to cope with my grief by emotionally eating. I also couldn’t even begin to think about stepping foot into CrossFit. It just didn’t seem right for some reason. It sounds stupid and I wish I could explain it but that’s the only way I know how to put it.
October 4, 2015. Two months. Some days it feels like it all happened yesterday and sometimes it feels like it’s been years since I talked to him.
I finally looked at myself in the mirror and looked at the scale and realized that I couldn’t keep dealing with my grief like this. I had to change. Scott would want me to be in that gym every minute that I could be. So… I decided that Monday – it was time for me to go back to CrossFit.
I’m in the process of turning my diet around step by step and each day it gets a bit better and I’m already seeing positive changes there. I’m trying to build healthier outlets for my grief than food… but it’s a tough one.
So back to 5:00 AM…
I arrive in the parking lot and sit there for a couple of minutes staring at the door. It was too early to be emotional. It took all I had emotionally to get out of the car and walk to that door.
Once I did get inside I was quickly greeted by familiar faces. Everyone came over and welcomed me to the 5:15 class and before I knew it we were well into the warm-up.
The workout was upper body focused – one of my weak areas but I suffered through it and finished in a decent amount of time. Before I knew it I was back at my Apartment heading up to get ready for the day.
As I (slowly) walked up the steps I thought about Scott. About the impact he’s had on my life. I thought about how even after he’s gone that he left behind a wonderful community of people that I somehow have had the honor of being accepted into. Thanks to Scott I met so many other awesome people there at Hill Country CrossFit. People who I now call friends and enjoy spending time with. After getting to know these people I can see why Scott loved them all so much.
Life won’t be the same without him…