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Return to Sender: Address Unknown

April 6, 2011 in Faith with 2 Comments

Sometimes I think God likes to get our attention in the most subtle of ways. As I’ve struggled with finding something to blog about I started many posts but never published them because I experienced writers block. I kept asking God and searching my brain for something to write and I began this post over a year ago. Finally I think it is time to finish what God placed on my heart a year ago – it’s all about prayer. So welcome to the first post in a small series where I plan on breaking down what God tells us about prayer and how to pray and what “The Lord’s Prayer” means for our lives.

I think maybe the basics would be the best to start with. Let’s start with - why do we need to pray. Prayer is our way of communication with God. It’s funny how many people tell me that they feel like God has left them or that they “miss Jesus”. I hate to be the one to inform you that Jesus didn’t move and forget to leave a forwarding address – you did. I think that what we forget is that though God is our Father – He is not a smothering overprotective parent. What I mean by that is you have to invite Him in. He’s not going to barge His way into your life. You have to order your priorities and show Jesus where He sits in your life. Hopefully that would be at the throne of your heart but many times this seat is already full of our own selfish wants, ambitions and idols – you know… money, people, friendships, a relationship, depression, emotions, etc…

In the same respect God is not about to send you friendly reminders that you stopped communicating with Him or that you walked away from Him. That’s the beauty of free will. It surly saddens Him to see one of His children walk away but He’s not going to chase you down and drag you kicking and screaming back to Him. It has to be your choice to turn around and reach out for His help and guidance back into His safe arms. He never leaves you – you leave Him.

Without prayer it’s like knowing someone and just expecting them to know everything about your life but you haven’t talked to them in ages! God wants to know you and to do that, you need to pray.

I think the next step here would be – how do I pray?

Matthew 6:5-15 is a passage where Jesus is teaching His disciples how to pray. I think there are some interesting things that Jesus mentions before talking about the actual form used to communicate in prayer. This is what He informs his disciples,

“But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask Him.”
- Matthew 6:6-8

I think this is something we should even think about today. Jesus gave this direction to his disciples because back during that time people used to pray as a public show as a gaudy way of trying to impress and be seen. I think we should look at this in two ways.

First, he talks about praying in private. I see no where here where it says, “Go into your room, lay down in your bed, get nice and cozy then start praying.” One thing I hear often from people is, “Well, my prayer life isn’t good because I fall asleep praying.” Easy answer, “Stop praying after you get settled into bed.” God isn’t interested into listening to your snoring in the middle of you talking to Him. That’s like calling your friend and falling asleep on the phone in the middle of a conversation.

If you just have it ingrained in you to pray before bed then I’d advice doing like many of you may have done as a child, get down on your knees and pray. I’m pretty sure this is going to keep you awake. Also if you can think outside the box, try setting some time aside in your day to pray. View it as a priority not as a “thing to do before I sleep”. I treat my prayer time with priority and dedicate time to pray.

I think this also speaks of setting a mood or tone. I will say that you should pray throughout the day – I do. I pray whenever and wherever I think I need to. What I think that people forget sometimes is setting a mood for their time of prayer. Don’t pray and be working on your to-do list in your mind, balancing your check book or whatever else may be distracting. Set a mood and tone of worship to pray. You’ll find that when you remove the distractions and make prayer an EVENT in your busy schedule that you’ll begin to have a more fulfilling prayer life.

To sum it all up, I love the way The Message puts this opening paragraph

Pray with Simplicity
“And when you come before God, don’t turn that into a theatrical production either. All these people making a regular show out of their prayers, hoping for stardom! Do you think God sits in a box seat? (This made me laugh).

Here’s what I want you to do: find a quiet, secluded place so you won’t be tempted to role-play before God. Just be there as simply and honestly as you can manage. The focus will shift from you to God , and you will begin to sense His grace.

The world is full of so-called prayer warriors who are prayer-ignorant. They’re full of formulas and programs and advice, peddling techniques for getting what you want from God. Don’t fall for that nonsense. This is your Father you are dealing with, and he know better than you what you need. With a God like this loving you, you can pray very simply.”

Then He says to not babble. I think this is a great way to move into the next subject of what do I say?

Jesus set forth a MODEL prayer in Matthew saying,

“Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be Your name,
Your kingdom come,
Your will be done
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread.
Forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one,
for Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever.
Amen”

Something key to notice here I wrote the word MODEL prayer. Jesus laid this out to His disciples as an example of how to pray. This isn’t something that you are going to recite daily until you die and expect your prayer life to flourish. I think what needs to happen is to simply break down the prayer and see the meaning behind each line and phrase.

I like how The Message translation puts this prayer,

“Our Father in heaven,
Reveal who you are.
Set the world right;
Do what’s best-
as above, so below.
Keep us alive with three square meals.
Keep us forgiven with you and forgiving others.
Keep us safe from ourselves and the Devil.
You’re in charge!
You can do anything you want!
You’re ablaze in beauty!
Yes. Yes. Yes.”

I think the best thing we can do is just talk to God like He’s a person sitting right next to you. No need for formal language – thees, thous and begottens. Speak to God like He is your best friend that if someone overheard you they’d think that you’re talking to someone on the phone. God is pretty simple and only wants you to talk, it’s not an art form just simply a form of communication. When you’re talking with words that you’re comfortable with I think that makes it easier to talk to God and easier for you to not feel like prayer is useless.

Next week I’ll begin to analyze and break down the model prayer and what each line means and practical application for our prayer lives. Comments are always appreciated and welcome.

Night,
- John

Best Embrace The Suck

April 1, 2011 in Faith, Life with 2 Comments

Did that title get your attention?

Recently (this week), I went and saw the movie Beastly with my friend Josh. It was a modern take on the age old fairy tail of Beauty and the Beast. I’m going to be honest and say that I can only compare it to the Disney version as that’s the only “Beauty and the Beast” I know. I think they did a good job putting a modern spin on the story and I won’t tell you the entire story – you should go watch it if you want to know how it turns out (spoiler: everyone doesn’t die at the end… just going to throw that out there).

So at this douche bag of a kid gives a really self centered speech at this school and he uses the phrase “Best Embrace The Suck” and then you hear this phrase later during a “turning point” in the movie. So being the over analytical lets-look-for-deeper-meaning-in-everything type person I am – I began to think.

As you’ll see from the previews this douche bag kid becomes an ugly scarred person (essentially the ugliness inside became visible via his outward appearance). This just sent me into overtime with what I could write about.

So my deep thought of the day today is – what if you woke up tomorrow and you had to “embrace the suck” by having who you are on the inside be displayed for the world to see? Would you awake with some battle scars and a few blemishes or would you be something that only appears in ‘R’ rated horror movies? I’m not talking about the “you” that everyone knows – I’m talking about who “you” are inside that only you know. The things you hide under the rug or tucked away neatly in your compartmentalized life. I bet we all would look different than most people would expect. Can you imagine being truly that transparent?

Then to further my point – could you see beyond that horrible ugly being and look for the good that lies beyond? One of my favorite quotes touches on this subject:

“Know this: You should judge every person by his merits. Even someone who seems completely wicked, you must search and find that little speck of good, for in that place, he is not wicked. By this you will raise him up, and help him return to God. And you must also do this for yourself, finding your own good points, one after the other, and raising yourself up. This is how melodies are made, note after note.”
- Reb Nachman of Breslov

Sometimes in life I struggle with seeing beyond “the suck” with people. I also think a lot of times as “Christians” (yep… that word belongs in quotes) we too often tend to play holier than thou with non-believers (or even believers who have less understanding of the faith) and we look at people and all we see is “the suck”. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I knew that someone wouldn’t judge me, think less of me or run away screaming if they saw me for everything that I am.

Truly, it’s something that I strive for every day to learn to “embrace the suck” in everyone around me and not judge them but to instead love them for who they are. I think sometimes “Christians” completely lose this point they’re so interested in conversion or witnessing that they forget to love people.

Just another random thought to start your weekend.

Night,
-JM

Precious Possessions

March 30, 2011 in Faith, Life with 2 Comments

What is most precious to you?

That was a question that was recently proposed at a Bible study I attended. I think as humans we would respond – my family, my house, my car, or something we place value on. I then began to analyze and think about this question and how I would answer.

Sure, at first pass I would tell you my family. Don’t get me wrong – they’re very precious to me and I would do anything in the world for them and I do my best to make sure that they’re provided for. I think though if you pressed me for a more personal answer I would tell you an answer that I think a lot of people wouldn’t even consider but I’m sure deep down it is the same:

My Failures

I’ve identified in my life that my failures are one of the most precious things to me. Sounds like an odd thing to say but here is how good ol’ Webster defines the word precious:

Precious: of great value or high price

I’d agree that I feel my failures are of great value/high price. Sure, I’d like to let everyone think that I’m perfect but the (shocking I know) reality is that I’m not and I have my fair share of failures and screw-ups. As I began to think about it I prize these things above some things in life that a lot of people put great value on. I let random people drive my car, I will let you come to my house and I’ll let you use anything electronic I own but I just won’t tell anyone about my failures.

Blame my competitive nature but I hate to fail. I get so frustrated with myself when I don’t do something right or I attempt a challenge and can’t complete. Now, granted, I’ve learned a lot in my few short years on earth and I always make sure I learn from every mistake I make but it is still hard to tell people about my failures.

So, what are your thoughts? Do you agree that our failures are one of the most precious and closely guarded things in our lives or am I part of the minority on this one?

Just some deep thoughts to start your Wednesday…

-JM

Wandering

March 24, 2011 in Faith, Life with 1 Comment

Do you ever feel like you are somewhere and you’re suddenly aware that you’re supposed to be there? Many times in my life I question decisions that I make. Moving, job changes, churches I attend, people I am friends with, and even the little things like what I wear or how to cut my hair.

Yesterday as I was walking back from taking the trash out I was wondering “why” I had chose to move to my new place. To be honest, it was a decision that I didn’t give a lot of prayer to. I felt at the time that it was one of those things I didn’t want to “bother” God with.

I have been searching for a church home for years. Something close and some place where I fell accepted. I also didn’t want to “be known” or “someone’s friend”. For the first time in my life I wanted to be the unknown newcomer. I wanted to see if a body of believers would want to know me without any other outside connections.

I visited a church or two before finding the one I’m attending currently and quite frankly the taste that several churches left in my mouth was so bitter – I pray for the lost that stumble upon them. At one church I was never greeted, sat alone and no one would talk to me during the greeting. By the looks I was getting I was judged for wearing jeans even though the website said “casual dress preferred”. Then to top it off the senior pastor went on a rant to the people who show up “on time” that they’re lazy and must love God less because they can’t be there early… I showed up that morning right on time because there was no parking and I had to take the last spot and walk 10 minutes to the sanctuary. Way to make the new one feel welcome.

Discouraged I took a week off and then went back to the hunt. I tried a church just about 5 minutes from where I live. I was so worried after what happened last week I showed up 20 minutes early for service.

This experience has been completely different.

I was warmly greeted by people and my “casual” dress fit right in with the atmosphere. I saw a lot of younger people and noticed that I wasn’t the only person there alone. The worship was amazing and so was the teaching. I left that Sunday just amazed at how much I genuinely loved this church.

So I came back.

The next Sunday I put a “visitors card” in the offering plate with my information and all I checked was “I would like more information about the church.” The week following I received several phone calls welcoming me to the church as well as a nice letter saying they were glad to have me and a few phone numbers to call if I had questions or wanted to chat about the church. Then I received a call from a lady who organizes dinners for new people – this is where things began to change (don’t worry… for the better).

She told me about this outreach program where all new people they invite to have dinner at someone’s home after church. I told her I thought it was a great idea and would love to attend one. About a week later a lady named Wendy called and told me she would be hosting this dinner and asked me my age/marital status. She then told me the date that she could have the dinner on and I told her that would be just fine.

I remember going to church that day – I was so nervous. I wasn’t sure how many people there would be, if they would like me or what was going to happen. I didn’t back down though – I went and had an amazing time. A bunch of people my age showed up and talked to me and actually wanted to get to know me. I forgot what it was like to feel that welcomed by strangers. So after an afternoon of fun we said our goodbyes and I was invited to Sunday School and Bible Study next Sunday.

So that brings me to Sunday. I went to Sunday School this morning and saw many of the same faces I did at the dinner the week before. Everyone was actually excited to see that I decided to show up and we had a great discussion about how God manifests Himself in our lives.

Then we went to Worship service and I kind of got separated from everyone so I just took my normal seat as always. The people from my class actually found me and asked to sit with me – which was nice since I normally sit alone. Following the service they told me that they all get together and go to lunch after church and asked me to come with them. So I spent lunch and the early part of the afternoon hanging out with this great group of people.

Following this I went home and grabbed my bike and headed out for the trail near my house. It seems I get some great thinking done while I bike. It gives me a chance to clear my head and just focus on topics. Today’s topic? Where I am today.

As I was riding back from Plain City (where the trail ends) I was suddenly brought into this realization that I am where God wants me to be and this “move” that I didn’t want to bother God with… He was in – all the time.

Today at church we sang this song – Come Thou Fount. As I was singing these words seem to stand out to me the most:
“Prone to wander, Lord I feel it
prone to leave the God I love.
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it.
Seal it for thy courts above”.

As last year ended and this year began I really did feel like I was wandering. As I sang these words they rang true in my mind and heart and I finally don’t feel like I’m wandering.

Then to end what I would call a perfect day – I went to Bible Study. We talked about what it is to be a true friend and using John as an example. As we discussed the passage they asked us to share examples of friendship and sacrifice in our lives and I was able to talk about my life and everyone got to know each other that much better. Afterwards we just hung out and enjoyed each other’s company. We finished the night by salsa dancing on the back deck of the house until I finally had to go home.

So life for me right now is ever changing and this is only one small instance of how my life has changed in the last six months but if you know me you know that my faith, relationship with Christ and church is a big part of my life. It’s such a great feeling to have a church home and be with a body of believers that you enjoy.

Just wanted to share some of my thoughts. Hopefully this writing thing I can pick back up and won’t be so scarce as I was last year.

Night,
- JM

I Discovered Some New Music

February 17, 2010 in Faith, Music with 0 Comments

Here is some music that lately I discovered and I really enjoy. I’ve highlighted some lyrics that stand out and have linked back to the iTunes store if you’d like to preview or purchase. I’ve discovered them various ways – worship at church, Twitter, Oasis House of Prayer in Michigan and friends. Each one seems to speak to me right now in my life – some bringing comfort and others making me think. Any thoughts? Feel free to share in the comments.

Carlos Whittaker – Rain It Down

Rain down on us.
Father, Rain down on us.
Spirit, Rain down on us.
Jesus, Rain down on us.

Carlos Whittaker – Jesus Saves

Your innocence has covered my shame. Your love has spoken me by name. And I have victory over the grave. You overcame. Jesus Saves…

Carlos Whittaker – We Will Worship You

Save us from these conflicts. Break us of our need of the familiar. Spare us any joy that’s not of you. And we will worship you.

Cory Asbury – Jesus, Let Me See Your Eyes

I was made for, I was made for love… Jesus, let me see Your eyes; let me feel your embrace, let me feel you all around me.

Cory Asbury (feat. Jaye Thomas) – My Beloved

He stands alone… He’s coming to rule, coming to reign. Jesus, Jesus!

Dean Salyn – He Is Yahweh

Who is He who makes me happy? Who is He that gives me peace? Who is He that brings me comfort and turns the bitter into sweet? Who is stirring up my passion? Who is rising up in me? Who is filling up my hunger with everything I need? Creator God – He Is Yahweh…


Misty Edwards – Favorite One

Jesus, here I am Your favorite one. What are you thinking? What are you feeling? I have to know. For I am after Your heart… I’m after You.

David Crowder Band – All Around Me (Originally by Flyleaf)

Take my hand I give it to you. Now you own me, all I am. You said you would never leave me. I believe you. I believe

Chris Quailala – Your Love Never Fails

I know I still make mistakes but You have new mercies for me every day. Your love never fails.

Matt Redman – The Glory of Our King

The Church is waking up now to be Your hands and feet upon this earth. Send us in Your power as we take Heaven to a broken world.

Night,

- JM

The Church of Me

February 14, 2009 in Faith with 0 Comments

As I stood facing the crowd I had a feeling that I can’t say I really experienced before – deep compassion for lost people and a desire to reach out to our community. I care about people who don’t know this wonderful gift that I have received from God but then again it seemed like my compassion stopped when it became inconvenient for me.

You see I figured out I wanted to attend the Church of Me with Lead Pastor ‘I’.

  • I want to come to church when it’s convenient for me
  • I want to sit near the back where I am comfortable
  • I want to park near the door so I don’t have to walk far
  • I want to to worship to music I like
  • I want to not have to sit for more than a certain amount of time
  • I want the message to be something that I enjoy
  • I want to be able to do my thing without being inconvenienced for others

It was a shocking revelation when I realized that this was my attitude towards church. Maybe it’s a product of a society that says “It’s all about you” or you should “Have it your way”. Well, what I think that most Christians need to realize is that the Church isn’t Burger King. You can’t special order up your Sunday morning service and get it just the way you want it.

This was something that since coming to my current church I figured out. Now I’ve changed my attitude and I no longer desire to attend the Church of Me. I try to do everything in my power to help others feel welcome and comfortable. I serve on our outreach team, I sit in the front of the church, I park in the back of the parking lot, I don’t care how long the sermon is and I don’t care what music we worship to. When I adopted this attitude I found that I suddenly could “hear” what I’ve been missing. When I stopped becoming so self consumed I was able to see the true need to reach others and I wanted to do my part. I realized it wasn’t all about me.

As I pleaded on Sunday to get volunteers to help me start a car pool to free up spaces in our extremely overcrowded parking lot and I (as well as our pastor) shared about the true need and the fact that most people when they can’t find a parking place will never return to a church. I assumed that we’d have a great turnout after the service to discuss the details with me. Then I stood in the foyer and watched everyone walk out the door – having no interest in helping resolve the parking situation.

I then watched out the window and saw how many single people/people without children and how many cars they accounted for and it was a sad number. When we went to plead on a more personal level with people we always received the excuse, “I just can’t get here 30 minutes earlier for the carpool”. I then realized that not everyone had decided to stop treating Church like they’re attending the Church of Me.

My question to everyone is, “What do you think about the Church of Me? Do you agree that it’s not all about the found but about the broken and lost?”

In Christ,
- John

Sweetly Broken

December 19, 2008 in Faith, Life, Music with 6 Comments

What. A. Week.

So this week has been hard for me some reason. I’m not sure if it is all the running I’ve been doing or the fact I’m still recovering from the public speaking or I’m just “in a funk”. Let me put on my “spiritual” hat and dust off my little soap box and allow me to entertain you with some feelings I’ve been having this week.

I struggle with the things that God calls me to do that I don’t enjoy or that I feel I’m not good at. It never fails that the enemy seems to always know this as well. Approaching Sunday of this week I had a lot of strange things go through my mind and a lot of strange feelings. I had never met so much internal opposition when thinking about Sunday and what Brad was going to have me talk about.

First I went through this thing where I didn’t know what I would say. Then I began to second guess my answer I gave in the creative meeting. After that I had a brief moment where I thought about never coming back to church (yeah… that came out of nowhere). It seemed as the days went by these negative thoughts piled on top of me. Finally during some, what I like to call, “downtime with God” I realized that clearly I was meeting opposition because this was something God wanted me to do.

You see, it was no accident I was standing in that office when the topic came up, it was no accident that the entire time Brad was sharing his feelings about the subject the thoughts of, “no, I don’t have those feelings” were going through my head. It was God’s plan for me to do all that. So finally last Saturday evening I decided that it was time to face that decision and face it with all I had inside.

First service I felt it didn’t go so well. I had no clue what I was saying and I think our timing was just off. I survived… Brad recovered it well and we got through the service. After a short conversation after the service I think Brad knew what to change and I had built up some confidence because I made it through without tripping, stalling or throwing up… so I figured I could go another round and be ok.

Second service my family was there, a lot of my friends from church was there and it was a full house. This time Brad threw me for a complete curve and put me somewhere near the end of his message. I walked up and sat there and looked out upon a lot of smiling faces. Then suddenly I had all the words I needed. Even when Brad asked me two or three questions I wasn’t ready for… the words just seemed to be there.

Third service I felt comfortable and shared with the small crowd there and was ok with it. After it was over, all I could think was, “THANK YOU GOD. I MADE IT.”

Monday morning I wake up and everything is crazy in my world. I’m going into the office at one of my clients, my home computer has fallen apart and my life is just crazy. Well… to make a long post, shorter, it just went downhill from there.

Thursday and after 12 hours of sleep I woke up to not feeling great. It was that feeling of being emotionally drained and maybe even spiritually drained. I was to film tonight for our Christmas eve video and Brad caught me on Facebook to chat for a minute. He asked if I would stay for youth and I made up a lame excuse that I had to work to give me an out. Well, I do have to work but it wasn’t like an hour was going to make a world of difference.

I got there tonight, late. I did my filming and our always energetic and funny Children’s Pastor, Pete, was setting up chairs for youth. As always Pete never asks for help and I told him I would help him without him asking. As we did this and Pete, in only the way Pete can, made me laugh – I decided I would stick around for youth.

Even though I stayed in the back and ran sound I found myself enjoying being there. Then I was reminded how much I loved working with Teens and Kids. After youth I talked to Pete and asked him if he needed help with our new Wednesday nights starting in January. He was excited to see I was interested. Looks like I’ll be helping out there too.

As I came home tonight and sat down to process my thoughts about the week and how I still feel defeated I was quickly reminded of the following three things:

  1. I’m doing what God wants me to do. Even if it isn’t easy or “comes naturally” to me.
  2. I need to work with God and realize that I’m being broken in the process to change my life.
  3. When I’m down, I need to turn to my faith and remember that the road isn’t always easy.

Right now, here are the top 6 songs that I’m into right now. I thought I’d change it up and quote from each some things that have jumped out to me.

  1. “In my darkest night, you brighten up the skies. A song will rise.”
    Song of Hope (Heaven Come Down) by Robbie Seay Band
  2. “Every eye proclaim. The mercy of your name. On earth as it is in Heaven.”
    As It Is In Heaven by Matt Maher
  3. “At the cross you beckon me. You draw me gently to my knees. I am lost for words, so lost in love, I’m sweetly broken, wholly surrendered.”
    Sweetly Broken by Jeremy Riddle
  4. “I try to be so tough. I just not strong enough. I can’t do this alone, God I need you to hold onto me.”
    Savior, Please by Josh Wilson
  5. “When I feel like caving in, My heart my soul is wearing thin. I just want to give up. Nothing at all seems at all to add up. Can you hear me Lord? My face is down upon the floor. It’s then when you whisper in my ear. Be still and know I’m here.”
    Be Still by Story Side B
  6. “Look at these hands and my side. It swallowed the grave on that night. When I drank the world’s sin so I could carry you in. And give you life. I’m gonna give you life.”
    By Your Side by Tenth Avenue North

I’m not sure that I’m ready for Friday to begin. Then again I am ready for this week to be done. I guess I just need some prayer. God and I have a lot to talk about tonight…

Night,
- JM

He Speaks When We’re Not Listening

August 19, 2008 in Faith, Life with 2 Comments

Have you ever had something happen to you when you were least expecting it and label the event a “coincidence”. Maybe you were feeling down and someone called to ask how you were doing? You’re struggling financially and that bonus or gift shows up unannounced. You feel down on your luck and then suddenly something happens to turn your luck around. Many people call these things coincidences. Things that happen merely by chance. Have you ever thought that it could be God just saying, “Hello.” I am a firm believer that everything, good and bad, happens for a reason. I think my life is living proof of that. Some of the worst situations and events in my life have enabled me to sit here today and be the person I am. Thankfully God gave me an optimistic attitude to help me along the way.

Recently as I’ve been writing “Fitness, Finance and Faith” I’ve been touching on some personal issues in my life. I’ve decided to discontinue “31 Days” as I liked to call it until further notice. A much larger story is playing out in my life right now and I think I’d like to return to my blogging of what is on my heart and mind. If it is fitness, then so be it; finance, great… Right now I have a lot swirling around me spiritually and I’d like to capture some of that and share it with you, my readers (what few are out there). I guess in a sense to return to my “roots of blogging”; to blog about what is going on in life and nothing more. Sure I’m not going to increase readership by the hundreds daily when talking about the personal aspects in life but maybe something I have to share can help someone else along or inspire someone. So, never fear, I’m still keeping up and will do a 31 day summary at the end of the month to let everyone know how I came out and what my thoughts were.

I’ll pickup where I left off in the faith section from 31 days. I did meet with my pastor on Friday. I was late and got to Starbucks and ran inside to find that he just showed up as well (so I didn’t feel terrible). After me being taken back that my pastor rides a Harley Davidson we ordered and sat on the sidewalk in Old Dublin to talk. Now, keep in mind, I’m sitting here thinking that I have no clue what I wanted to ask or say. I asked to meet with him a while back and due to schedules we just couldn’t meet up for two weeks. I seemed to forget my “agenda” I had for the meeting from the day I wrote the letter to actually meeting with Brad, my pastor. I completely believe that was in God’s plan. I was forced to speak from my heart and not mind so we talked.

I noticed that Brad had no agenda either. He simply wanted to talk and see where the conversation lead. After the years of hurt in the church I’ve found it hard to trust pastors. It’s really sad that I feel that way but it is one of those things that after repetitious hurt you form an apprehension when speaking to someone like those from your past. Sitting there I found myself at ease. I easily poured my life out on the table. Sharing everything from my church history to school, family and my life. I listened to Brad as he spoke and he didn’t come across as holier than thou, religious snot, or any other stereotype that you can think of when it comes to “Christians” or “Church-Goers”. Brad came off to me as, human. Human with a heart for people. He actually showed concern and cared about what I had to say. He gave me no “text book” responses but spoke from the heart. Our talk helped me a lot and I continue to relive the moments to think about what was said and continue to pray that God directs me.

From there I spent the weekend helping a friend move. Friday night learned to play the game cornhole. Interjection of humor – I just found out there is an American Cornhole Association – http://www.playcornhole.org/. Please, everyone, take a moment to laugh. Back to the story, so I had a good time and Saturday was a lazy day filled with me coding at home and hanging out with the amazing Katy and doing laundry. Sunday was church and spending time with my family. I found myself going back to church that night to go to the BBQ that the church was having. Now, I’ve only been at the church a few weeks and really don’t know anyone so I figured I’d try this to see if I’d either feel like an outsider or get to know people. Well, everyone will be happy to know that I got to know some of the people from church. I guess most of them attend the early service (9:30 AM) but still it was cool to get to meet them. Talked with my friend Chris and got to hear about some things that God is doing in his life, which I think is awesome.

I still found myself Sunday evening trying to figure out what I’m doing and where I’m going. I think I have a connection at my church and life is changing but I just don’t know where I’m going. It’s one of those, I’m going to walk blind by faith and pray that God leads me where I’m to go. As I continue to toy with this idea in my mind I go to lunch alone today. I couldn’t decide where to go so I figured I’d go to my all time favorite Chinese restaurant on Sawmill, Pei Wei. I get my usual, Honey Chicken with White Rice and a Diet Coke and sit down at my table. I eat my lunch in peace and think about life and what I’m going to do. Lately I think I’ve been chattering too much to hear God. I’m learning how to practice the art of listening to God but it’s a work in progress. I opened my fortune cookie wondering what it would say. When I least expect it I get these small messages… “You do not have to know where you are going to be headed in the right direction.” Only twice this has happened and both times I find myself amazed to find something like this.

Now, I’m not trying to say that God lives in a fortune cookie or makes it His business to speak to His children via Chinese after dinner snacks. I just think that it goes to show that God can speak to us even when we’re not listening. Be it through a song, sermon, Bible, poetry, nature, art or even a fortune cookie… He’s there and He can do it. I’m still learning to let go of the “what direction” and focus on the “next step in front of me” but it takes time. So, for my readers, keep me in your prayers and stick around for the journey. Like my subtitle, I’m looking for life beyond the edge and I think that I’m on the road to find it.

Later,
- JM