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So, I’m known to be the best person at hiding how I feel. I am one who can laugh and be sad inside. I can show no emotion when inside is nothing short of a myriad of feelings bottled up inside. Lately I’ve been playing this part very well. Carefree and happy when truly I’m dealing with a lot inside. Nothing major but it seems big to me right now. I shared with a friend the other night my feelings and thankfully she quietly listened.

That evening I was speaking a song suddenly came to my mind that I thought was out of place. Wasn’t Christian and here were the lyrics I came upon…

“If I could be like that, I would give anything 
Just to live one day, in those shoes. 
If I could be like that, what would I do? 
What would I do?”

Not really sure what God was trying to tell me there… I went to bed that evening, still awake and still couldn’t sleep because my turmoil finally had come to the top. I looked over and there was a book I purchased quite some time ago when I moved to this house called When God Winks at You by SQuire Rushnell. I wrote about it back when I bought the book and I remember that at the time the book served as a nice reminder that God was there but I had no real “need” for the book at that time in my life.

I picked up the book and began to read, again. Two chapters later I blissfully fell asleep as I had some comfort knowing that God was near. Then I went back to work today. I had a “hard” day to say the least. I drove home and wasn’t sure what emotion I was feeling but it was anything but happy. I called a friend to chat and she thankfully listened to me. I’d be lost without family and friends.

As I got home I couldn’t figure out what I needed to do to calm down and to find some solid ground to stand on. Then I spotted that book again. I gather a radio, Fresca and book and went out to the deck to read. Yes, I’m strange… I listen to music while reading. It’s a personality quirk that I have.

So, as I am reading I am getting more encouraged then I come across a story about music. I always seem to connect the most with music so I paid close attention this story and it featured the song “His Eye Is On The Sparrow”. It quoted a few lines which got me singing the song as I closed the book and headed into the house to come upstairs and download the song so I could listen to it.

Then God decided to step in and hit me with some lyrics I wasn’t prepared for…

His Eye is On the Sparrow

Verse 1

Why should I feel discouraged, why should the shadows come,
Why should my heart be lonely, and long for heaven and home,
When Jesus is my portion? My constant friend is He:
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

Refrain

I sing because I’m happy,
I sing because I’m free,
For His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.

Verse 2

“Let not your heart be troubled,” His tender word I hear,
And resting on His goodness, I lose my doubts and fears;
Though by the path He leadeth, but one step I may see;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

Verse 3

Whenever I am tempted, whenever clouds arise,
When songs give place to sighing, when hope within me dies,
I draw the closer to Him, from care He sets me free;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

A little blown away I’ll say. I also must say that God’s at work… as I prayed for some comfort/peace and reassurance I get a text message from another friend that reads:
“You should come up to church this month. It’s my month to sing so at least you will know I’ll be there.”

Amazing how in a moment of weakness that God will provide you some encouragement to say that someone out there was thinking about me as I cried out to God. Thanks God.

That’s my “personal-heart-is-on-a-page” post of the moment. Enjoy.

God Bless,
- JM