Gimpy Girl Goes for Gold

Note, to get the full effect of this post, you need to click on the link below, wait for the intro, then begin to read this.

**Begin “Vangelis – Chariots of Fire” Music**

Imagine if you will K A T Y!!! (from JustKaty) leaving her apartment yesterday morning. Bounding down the steps she is ready for the day ahead of her. She locks her door and turns (slowly) as she prepares herself for a new day and the walk to the car. She majestically walks down the mighty concrete path and then leaps as she makes a perfect jump from the path to the ground and prepares to land. As she comes down gracefully for her perfect landing her foot encounters a small obstacle about the size of a golf ball.

Trying to retain composure she throws her arms in the air and gracefully dismounts from this unseen obstacle in the road. All the time trying not to kiss the asphalt with her face. She recovers and the crowd gives her a standing ovation and the judges are impressed. Clearly at least a 9.5 all around.

CRUNCH

**Abruptly END “Vangelis – Chariots of Fire” Music **

She then realizes that her ankle went left and her body went right and the pain is a sudden reminder that something wasn’t right. Wincing in pain she tries to hold in the hurt and hobble to the car.

Fast forward to a few hours later as I’m running around work trying to get stuff done. I read K A T Y!!! blog and we all had a good laugh. Then K A T Y!!! said she was home and had put ice on it. I called her after I got out of work and we discussed the situation. I told her that a trip to the ER would be advisable. As with most people I know (myself included) the thought of a hospital trip is never pleasant. I offered to come over and talk to her about it in person to see what we could do.

Josh met me there with a bag of peas and some meds for the wounded. He stayed for a few minutes but had prior plans to attend to. Longer story shorter, I pushed until she agreed the ER would be the best thing to do. We head out for a quick bite to eat at Burger King and then hit the freeway to go to Riverside Hospital. We get there and find that it isn’t a horrible wait and get into a triage room pretty quickly (not quick enough though when you’re standing with a bum ankle… I’m sure K A T Y!!! thought it should have gone quicker).

After fighting with a chair in the corner it finally reclined and K A T Y!!! could rest a little easier. She whipped out her book and I promptly realized I had nothing to entertain myself while we waited. I was quickly snapped out of it when I heard the words,

“This chair smells… it smells like stale sweat… it smells like dirty men.”

I laughed then muttered

“It smells like ‘hospital’…”

Have you ever noticed all hospitals have that same smell. Maybe it’s the smell of death or fear… I’m not sure, but they all have that distinct odor. Maybe that should be one of the car tree air freshener scent, “Hospital Smell”.

“I have my iPod if you want to use it.”

I more than happily took the iPod as entertainment while we waiting. Now granted it was Hello Kitty pink with pink earbuds but I am more than man enough to sit there and use this pink iPod.

Some blonde nurse that was clearly put out that she had to do work was the one who did K A T Y!!!’s vitals. After this we had some registration people come around and finally the head nurse who examined her foot.

I’m sitting there contently listening to the wide variety of music she had placed on her iPod when the nurse came in to look at her foot. I paused the music and took the buds out to listen, in case something was asked/needed of me.

To follow was a list of questions that started out as harmless… then went into the most prying details of someones life. I sat there and it was only by the grace of God I wasn’t as red as red can be and the fact that I didn’t burst out laughing at some of the questions/answers. I did have my normal “John Sheepish Grin” on my face though… K A T Y!!! kept glancing at me and just had this look on her face like, “Kill me now.”

After this we go and get some X-Rays of her foot. I am left in a new waiting room as she’s in getting her pictures done. Well, I’m also left with her purse and I decide to listen to some music. As I grab her purse and get out this Hello Kitty Pink iPod with pink earbuds a couple walks up behind me and witnesses me doing this.

So I think they were scared for whatever reason (homophobic maybe?) and they enter the tiny waiting room, holding hands, staring at me with a “dear in the headlights” look and scoot as far away from me as they can in this tiny room and then sit across from me and observe me. All I needed was some glass or bars and I would have felt as if I was in the zoo. I look up and they’re both looking at me like they’re terrified. I act as if I don’t even notice them and continue to browse this music wonderland for something to listen to.

Finally K A T Y!!! is ready to go to her examination room and we walk over and wait some more. Here a young man comes to the door and gathers additional information about her to update their registration records. Then the doctor comes in and says, “You have a severe sprained ankle. At least you didn’t break anything.”

From here we meet the nurse who put the splint on K A T Y!!!‘s foot and gave a lesson in fitting crutches to a patient and how to use them. She was quite jovial and I enjoyed the splash of happiness she brought to such a dull place. It’s always nice for someone to make you laugh.

There was a point at which wasn’t so funny when the nurse jammed K A T Y!!!‘s shoe onto her bad foot. K A T Y!!! was half trying not to cry and half laughing from the pain (why is it most people laugh when they’re in severe pain? I do…). I thought she was going to pass out from the pain.

From here we met this discharge nurse who was in an amazement that K A T Y!!! could do all this from stepping on a rock. From the sounds of it… I think K A T Y!!! may have been the story of the evening. Honestly, how many people come to the ER and say,

“I can’t walk on my ankle because I stepped on a rock.”

So, then we leave and I push K A T Y!!! outside for us to go home. We get in the car and then head to Giant Eagle to get her prescription filled. This was an adventure as we tried to go across the store and K A T Y!!! was trying to learn how to use crutches. We got through this and I dropped her off to go home and sleep.

This was my exciting night last night. Who knows what the rest of the week will hold.

Later,
- J