JohnMassie.com

So, I feel I owe my readers something more interesting and thought provoking than just my sad ramblings of my day. However, I have nothing to offer at this time. As I drove home from K&J G’s house I thought of my Xanga and what I would write.

Well, this is off the wall. I never listen to R&B but this new song by Ne-Yo “So Sick” is just one of my all time favorite songs, and iTunes now has it for download. That will be happening here shortly, as I will have to hop over to the desktop (in other words, I am using my laptop to write this).

Back to my story. I thought all the way home about what I could say. Yet, no words of wisdom or stories or anything came to mind. I listened to thought provoking music and everything… yet nothing came to me. I feel that I have so much to say, but when I sit down to write it down, I can’t get it onto paper. Who knows, maybe I’m supposed to be verbally sharing these words I have. With who though? I’ve called everyone I know, and yet can’t seem to find the right things to say to relieve this feeling.

Maybe the stress is finally getting to me and I’m literally losing my mind. I hope not, I’m very fond of my mind (yes, please excuse my dry humor).

Some days I walk the halls of Ashland and almost day-dream about what I’d like to be doing in life. Then I snap back to reality to realize that I was only dreaming. I feel that I’ve become too comfortable in my career. I take it seriously and I work hard for what I do. Yet, I’ve been very laid back when it has come to improving my job. Like I need additional things to do on my own time, but I need to rethink processess and procedures. I’ve not tried to make everything I do more effecient. I guess there’s more room for improvement. I also could use some more training and keep stricter records. I told myself when I began my career that I would never stay in one position more than a year, until I reached a certain level of senority. So far, I’ve met that goal each year. So now I have one year to move in the company. There’s some career thoughts for you all…

The other day-dreams I have is more less planning my next month. More home improvements, moving, and a bunch of other fun stuff to happen. It’s hard to think that this time next month I should be sitting in my own house, alone. There are times where I think being alone will suck and other times I think it will rock. I’ll have an entire house to myself to relax and to work in. I won’t have to deal with small workspaces and loud surroundings. Don’t get me wrong, I’m going to miss living at home… it’s just I think that htis change will be good for me.

Lastly is my yearly personal planning. I’m trying to figure out what to use my vaction time for. I’m thinking about if everything goes well and I end up going out of state this summer, where I’m going to get the money. Maybe I can get a second job! That would be interesting, dual income. I could go on vaction and do some additional home improvements. It would be most excellent.

Well, I guess that wasn’t lastly. Then we always have the health issue hanging over my head. It’s becoming very clear that I need to take this whole, “you’re-adopted-so-you-have-no-family-medical-history” thing more seriously. It seems that I may have bad knees, but it’s too early to tell. So now I think, if I have that, what else could I have? I know it is useless worrying, but if I react in a healthy way, it always helps to be proactive, right?

You’ll be surpised to know that none of what I just wrote, was what I’ve been wanting to say. It’s some thougths that are floating around in my head. Just thought I would share them.

Maybe I should poll my readers on what they want me to write on. That would be interesting. Any serious suggestions? Want my opinion on something or have a topic that you’d like to see what I know about. Maybe we should try that… suggestions are welcome and I’ll see where it goes from there…

I better get to bed, I need my sleep.

Blessings,
J

So today was an improvement over yesterday. Drama at work continues. I try and avoid it as much as possible. We went to a lunch buffet today, pretty good really. Last eating out I’ll be doing for a long while. I’d like to join the Ashland gym, but $60.00 per quarter doesn’t just grow on trees, ya know? So I figure if I don’t ever eat out, I could eventually come up with that money.

I don’t have much else to say, really. I just haven’t felt the greatest these past few days. My friend Brian called me out of the blue yesterday evening. It was good to hear his voice. We sadly don’t get to talk a lot.

I made my first house payment today, yipee.

Well, I am going to change clothes and see what I can find to do to take my mind off of things.

With God’s Love,
J

2 Weeks
10 Days
336 Hours
20160 Minutes
120600 Seconds

In my life, I’ve known so many people. I’ve had many come and go. I’ve always rebounded pretty fast as these changes come and go. This time, not so much. I just don’t understand why? Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I want to forget them. I just don’t understand why I feel like there is a hole the size of Texas in my heart. Am I becoming that emotionally dependant? Can I not just deal with change?

They were different than anyone I’ve ever met, know or known. How? I can’t even being to pinpoint just one thing or even a series of things. I think for the first time in my life I met someone who respects differences. Only they would understand, I’m sure. I just don’t know. I have so much running through my mind, if only I could get it out and onto paper.

I have to go, sleep and some deep thinking await me. I hope this doesn’t turn out to be a long night.

Later,
J

So, I was going through the site logs. Looks like I have a new faithful visitor. I extend my welcome to you, you know who you are. It makes me feel pretty good that you’re visiting. E-mail me sometime!

Anyways, today was, “eh”. There’s nothing worse than getting to work at 7:30 and being alone. I am so used to NK and AD being there. I sat down in my chair to look at the empty seat where NK sat and just shook my head. Then I looked at my Lotus IM to see AD not logged in, and just shook my head.

So, then people showed up and I plastered a smile on my face. People would ask me how I was, and I’d reply, “just great!”. LIE. I’m one of those people who I don’t want you to know I’m upset. I don’t want you to know I hurt and I have emotion. I just want to be happy John who doesn’t have a care in the world. In reality I got in my car and just listened to music. I didn’t care how slow I was driving or if I had to actually go under the speed limit to stay in my lane… I just drove on home.

There’s so much going through my head, but I just can’t get it to paper or this digital text. I guess like one of my close friends, “Somethings are better said in person”. What I wouldn’t give for a few plane tickets to a few places to visit a few people just to tell them some things face to face. Nothing bad I assure you, and I’m sure if I told some people everything that I feel that I should, they’d pass out from shock. Others, I only pray that I’m able to say some things to them face to face again.

You know, I hate that feeling. You know people who live far away and you see them and then they go back home and you sit there minutes, hours, days later and think of everything you would say to them if you could just sit them down in front of you and say, “Listen to me and don’t speak.”

I feel the urge to write. It looks like I have something for you my new reader. You know who you are, because if I knew how to reach you digitally, I would.

Later,
J

So, never in my life did I think I would drive a 4 cylinder.  This Altima out runs a Grand Am GT anyday and my GA was a 3.4L V6. Yeah, and I get 30+ MPG. Gotta love the savings.

Well, here is a picture I shot quickly yesterday as the sun was setting…

So, I’m pretty excited. I need to get going.

See ya,
J

Funny Story.

So I decided to buy a house this year. Then my mom and Grandma’s car died and they couldn’t afford another one. So I gave them my car, and sacrificed. I’m now driving around…

… a 2006 Nissan Altima 2.5s Special Edition in Majestic Blue

Yeah, so it wasn’t THAT much of a sacrifice, but I had to be all dramatic about it. Picture to come this afternoon!

Later,
J

So, now that I’ve had some sleep and I could read my guestbook when I am awake enough to understand that. Wow… is all I can say. I’m sistting here in the office at church and took time to read it. Yeah, SO IMPRESSED. I will be the only one who knows who wrote that. Mwahahaha. Now, I’m all motivated to sit and write….

We’ll see what today will bring.

Lata,
J

Um, wow. So I got the post left on my guestbook. Yeah, speechless. Maybe I am tired, but I’ll need to read that one again in the morning. It’s very deep and thoughtful. LIGHTBULB. Gotta read it again…

I’m gonna jet.
J

I’m sure you all read the title and expected a joke to follow. After the way this week has gone, I had to have some sense of humor for my title. I decided to fill in everyone what happened this past week. I know I gave short descriptions on what happened, but I never did make one huge post regarding the week. So, I dedicate this post to my new friend, AD. Hopefully he’ll stop by and read this.

Let’s go backwards in time two weeks. It’s Monday morning and I show up for work to be the only Unisys technician in PC Services. So I work and have a pretty crazy day. When I find a moment to breathe I go find TB and he introduces me to AD. That was about it for Monday. Then Tuesday I chatted with them both for a bit, but was busy for the most part and stayed to myself.

Then the pivotal point in the week would be Wednesday night when a group from Ashland goes to BW3’s after work to celebrate Andre being with us for the next two weeks. I got to talk to him for a bit and he got to know the rest of the gang a little better. That night I took off and went home. Following that was Thursday. Nothing special again, I think we ate lunch with Andre and that was the extent of it.

Friday was also a key evening. Funny story really. So we all get off work late. We go down to BW3’s and tell Andre how to get there. So we all show up and have a great time playing trivia. When we all left I, in my teenage fashion, quickly make it to the street and then decide to drive around for a bit because I was bored and it was early. So Andre follows me and tries to “play around”. We get to his turn and I am in the turn lane and he tries to pass but misses the turn. So I try and call him, and his phone doesn’t work. So then I call KG and she tries to call him, and that doesn’t work. So then I go to Ashland and make sure we have the right number, and we do. So I call his hotel and leave a message.

No one can find him so KG comes up to his hotel and we look for his car. While this is going on, he calls us and tells us he found his way back and for us to come up. So we go up to his room and chat for about an hour or so. This is where I think we really began to be classified as more than just co-workers.

Saturday begins. I craw out of bed early and get my behind down to the house. I paint a bunch that morning by myself. Later on, my family shows up and helps me paint one of the bedrooms and some other miscellaneous things. Following this, KG shows up with the ladder so I can paint the tall rooms. Then I call AD to see what he’s up to. He attempted to locate another mall and got lost. So he ends up at my house. We sit around my little kitchen table and talk. That was pretty cool. Then we all decide that we’re going bowling.

So we show up at the bowling alley and they’re packed. After sitting for thirty minutes we realize that we’re not getting in, so we go play pool. That was real fun and we also played some euchre. Then KG and AD and I decide to go to Applebees. We have a funny waiter who was making fun of Andre because he ordered a “Cowboy Burger” and the waiter called it a “Brokeback Mountain Burger”. Andre immediately follows that up with, “Give me a Victoria Secrets Burger”. Gotta love that. Then one thing lead to another and our waiter shouted over at another table that he talked to a real Mormon and he wasn’t offended by south park. Then this dude and his friend comes over and starts talking to Andre. Well, this dude announces he is a protestant Christian. I immediately have a sick feeling and I start praying that he won’t do what I think he’s going to do. He begins the sales pitch and trying to disprove Andre’s beliefs. He kept saying, “All I want to do is learn more about it, not change you.” Yeah, right… Such a LINE.

I was so mad at that kid I was sitting there praying, “God give me the strength not to take this kid outside and kill him with my bare hands.” I sat there and couldn’t believe what he was doing. I wanted to preach a sermon and half to this kid about how WRONG his actions were. I am a protestant Christian and I was embarrassed to be associated with this dude and I was annoyed, and we even believe the same! That should tell you something right there. The dude kept looking at me like I should back him up… YEAH RIGHT. I was thinking, “If anything, I’m going to totally NOT back you up.”

I felt horrible about the whole thing. I explained on the way back to get Andre’s car that I promise not all protestant Christians are that way. There are truly ones who love people and isn’t all about judging you. Hopefully I showed that to him through my life.

This would bring us to Sunday. I went to church and Joel preached on reaching others and how you have to have a real heart for people and not just walk up to random strangers and do what that dude did. GO JOEL. I was totally pumped that it turned out Joel preached on that the day after that whole thing actually happened.

After church I went to the house and painted some more. Then KG and AD joined to help me finish a lot more. That was a very cool time to get to talk to everyone and grow closer with both of them. After that was done, I had to drop KG off at her house and then I told Andre I would pick him up and go to dinner with him since I was hungry. So we went to TGI Friday’s. It was a very cool time to get to just hang out with Andre and get to know him. We talked about anything and everything. He also sadly had a hair in his food, made for the third one on his trip. Clearly, us Ohioans need to work on the personal hygiene issue in the food industry.

Then, then… BEGAN THE WEEK THAT FEELS LIKE A NIGHTMARE.

I go into work Monday. I can’t remember why, but the day was just horrible. I finally left at 5:00 and txted AD to see if he wanted to do something later. Well, he never got the txt (I found out later). I got home and just wanted to sleep because I couldn’t stand the day anymore. KG called me out of the blue and asked if I would like to come over for dinner. So I did and we hung out and played pool and watched wife swap, and laughed ourselves to death.

Then we decided to call Andre’s hotel room and harass him about not txting me back. That’s when we found out he never got it. So we got in our cars and ran over and played pool with him. As usual, he invited me up and we chatted for a bit. It was amazing that someone who I’ve only know for such a short time actually wanted to spend time with me. We both were ready to fall asleep so I went home. When I got into the car I realized that God had turned the day around without me asking, and for that I was very thankful.

Tuesday, well made Monday look like a bed of roses. Some MAJOR DRAMA broke out at work about me hanging out with AD and KG. Who knows what… So that made the whole day horrible. I in turn left that evening and went home. Andre and I were thinking about doing something, but he fell asleep at the hotel and so I ended up going shopping and just doing some personal thinking that day.

Wednesday, made Tuesday look like heaven on earth. Some extra special MAJOR DRAMA was piled onto the drama from the day before. Which ends up in the evening with everyone getting upset and leaving Andre and myself standing in the middle looking at two different groups.

So then I find AD and we hang out for the evening, with TB and MM. Again ends up chatting with him in his room for a few minutes before going home. It was a very good evening, but still the drama ensued.

Thursday, well… I thought all the other days were bad, but this takes the cake. Everyone is mad at everyone at work. Andre doesn’t know who is or isn’t talking to him. I’m trying to figure out where I stand with half the people I work with and it was just messy messy as MM would say.

That evening was Andre’s final evening. We went to Dave and Busters. I had a blast there and we played a bunch of games. Andre and I sat for about twenty minutes and played a hunting game. I kept up most of the time, pretty good for a first-timer. Then everyone said their goodbyes and Andre and I were still hungry as we didn’t eat at D&B. So to fulfill his curiosity I took Andre to White Castle. He was so excited, I’ll have to post the picture of him in front of the building. I still shake my head and laugh about it. It was cool though to share that experience with him.

I got home that night and couldn’t sleep. I wrote him a four page letter for him to read on the plane. Which I hope he did, and hopefully he’ll let me know he read it. I was up until 2:00 am writing. Very hard letter to write as I knew that would be the last form of communication I would have with him “in-person” that I could actually give him face to face (at least for a while).

So, Friday… today was just depressing. My excellent friend NK and somewhat of a spiritual role model got a new job and today was his last day. When he had to say goodbye to all of us I thought he was going to burst into tears. Then AD left to go back to Utah and after he left Marni said, “What are we going to do without him?” It was like, we had gotten so used to having Andre around, it was like there was a hole in our group now.

So by the time I got to my car at 6:00 pm, I sat in the seat and just wanted to cry for some time. I finally fell apart when I got home and ended up passing out on my bed for a while to recover from it all. I’ve never been so emotionally drained as I was this week.

So that was my last two weeks in review. Clearly you can see I wanted to put enough detail in this post so I wouldn’t forget these two weeks. Not like I ever would, but you know… just as something that I can go back to later and remember the good times. So if you read this AMD, it’s your post… feel honored, I never dedicate posts… LoL.

Well people, I have to help my family find a car tomorrow, bright and early. I need me sleep!

Tchau,
João

(^ I’ve been googling… )

Bittersweet doesn’t even begin to describe how today feels. I am SO happy that it is the weekend and I get two days off. I am SO not happy that my good friend is going home. Well, even there, I am happy he gets to go home and gets to see his fiance and get back to his normal life. It’s depressing to think that he won’t be around to do things with, but at least we can talk, right?

So I am prepping my big huge post of the week. I got a pretty creative title, and I think everyone will enjoy it. I hope everyone has an excellent Friday, as I am trying my best to make mine excellent. May God’s love go with you all.

Peace Out,
John