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So, I mentioned in past posts about closing out a chapter of my life. It’s amazing how for the first time in life that I quickly closed a chapter and I never even saw it coming. I’ve been one to have methodical and drawn out closure but this time things were different. It seemed like most of the things in my life ended abruptly and change began to happen in me and around me. It was also the first time I “closed a chapter” and never looked back.

So after this happened I was presented with the question of, “Where do I go now?” So, I did what I do best, prayed. Thankfully God had a plan for me. I ended up at Marysville Vineyard this Sunday to hear my dear friend Kelly speak. Now, I haven’t heard Kelly speak since camp which was years ago so I was excited.

From the moment I walked in I was met with happy faces and love abounded. Thought I’m not a “regular” many people in the church are getting to recognize me and will say hello and talk to me… which is nice. As worship began I just had a small voice let me know that God had me there for a reason. So I intently began to enter into a time of worship.

The music began and it wasn’t a song I knew but I’m quick with lyrics so I began to sing. The song was so moving and I began to listen to what I was singing and found so much inspiration and comfort that I knew that as long as I turned over my life to God, everything would be ok.

Then after a moving worship service my friend Kelly got up to speak. Her message was much like how I write, based on her personal life. She shared from the heart and I was moved. She related with a lot of what I was feeling and gave me hope that everything was going to be just fine. As we entered a time of prayer we sang yet another song I love and I knew God had met me there that day.

I came home to a less than pleasant situation but as I do with everything that I view as “bad” in life I began to look for what God wanted me to learn from the situation. I learned to displace my anger and see past the issue to what God wanted me to see. I think it served as a great reminder that I do only have a few people in life who understand who I am, what I’m about and where I’m going in life and most of all… believe in me.

I have a few that pretend like they meet that criteria and I have many who classify me as a “Grade A Failure” but I’m living out a much bigger plan that is completely out of my hands. Sure, I might be unconventinal in my methods but then again wasn’t Jesus considered a radical of His time? God never promised that if His children followed the will He set before them that they would look normal in the world’s eye and that is something I have to remember each day.

I also give thanks to God for all that I do have in this life and His many blessings He so graciously gives me. I praise Him for the good, bad and ugly when it comes my way. I know that no matter what I’m never a failure in God’s eye and His plan is never considered a failure. God ordained the events that played out that night because He wanted to remind me of the way the world sees me from now until the day I die and light a fire within me to go on and conquer the path set before me with passion and faith - to show that God’s plan is never a failure.

So all in all, I found my inspiration for the journey. As my new time in life unfolds I’ve taken it as fast as God can give it to me and reach out to those that I need to and have been met with only love and support. To my family and friends who are there for me, thank you. 

Well, it is getting to be my bedtime and I’m tired. I’ll post the lyrics to that new song I learned at Vineyard for you all to read and I’ve highlighted what stood out to me.

Night,
- JM

Mighty to Save
Hillsong

Everyone needs compassion
A love that’s never failing
Let mercy fall on me
Everyone needs forgiveness
A kindness of a Savior
The hope of nations

Savior
He can move the mountains
My God is Mighty to save
He is Mighty to save
Forever
Author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave

So take me as You find me
All my fears and failures
Fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in
Now I surrender

Shine your light and let the whole world see
We’re singing for the glory of the risen King…Jesus

There is a saying that goes, “A leopard can’t change its spots.”

I never really stopped to think about the phrase and haven’t used it for quite some time. The other day, as always, as I was doing something that was completely unrelated to blogging, a post began to form in my mind.

We all associate this phrase with a negative connotation that, bluntly, people can’t/don’t change. Then I began to think about those people in my life who I’m glad to find they never changed. As the sea of life drifts us together and then apart again it is always reassuring when we drift back together that those familiar faces are still the same familiar people you remember.

Then you have the other people. The people in your life that you keep around and they’re consistently in your life. Being one who gives everyone the “benefit of the doubt” and multiple chances to be in my life I tend to forget the phrase, “a leopard cannot change its spots.” Then something happens with said people and I’m shaken back to a reality that they were that person they “used to be” all along and yet each time I’m shocked at their behavior and cannot figure out why they are that way.

Then I coincidentally came home and found this song. In going along with the theme I wonder if it is much of a coincidence or if it was a message to me about those people; something for my readers to ponder. So as I used to do many years ago when I began blogging… “I leave you with the lyrics”.

Goodbye
Secondhand Serenade

It’s a shame that it had to be this way
It’s not enough to say I’m sorry
It’s not enough to say I’m sorry

Maybe I’m to blame
Or maybe we’re the same
But either way I can’t breathe
Either way I can’t breathe

All I had to say is goodbye
We’re better off this way
We’re better off this way

I’m alive but I’m losing all my drive
Cause everything were been through
And everything about you
Seemed to be a lie
A guiltless twisted lie
It made me learn to hate you
Or hate myself for letting it pass by

All I had to say is goodbye
Were better off this way
Were better off this way
All I had to say is goodbye
Were better off this way
Were better off this way

And every, everything isn’t only
What it seemed so hold these
Words that you never told me
Its time to say goodbye
Its time to say goodbye
Its time to say goodbye
Goodbye

Bye

Night,
-JM 

So, I’m known to be the best person at hiding how I feel. I am one who can laugh and be sad inside. I can show no emotion when inside is nothing short of a myriad of feelings bottled up inside. Lately I’ve been playing this part very well. Carefree and happy when truly I’m dealing with a lot inside. Nothing major but it seems big to me right now. I shared with a friend the other night my feelings and thankfully she quietly listened.

That evening I was speaking a song suddenly came to my mind that I thought was out of place. Wasn’t Christian and here were the lyrics I came upon…

“If I could be like that, I would give anything 
Just to live one day, in those shoes. 
If I could be like that, what would I do? 
What would I do?”

Not really sure what God was trying to tell me there… I went to bed that evening, still awake and still couldn’t sleep because my turmoil finally had come to the top. I looked over and there was a book I purchased quite some time ago when I moved to this house called When God Winks at You by SQuire Rushnell. I wrote about it back when I bought the book and I remember that at the time the book served as a nice reminder that God was there but I had no real “need” for the book at that time in my life.

I picked up the book and began to read, again. Two chapters later I blissfully fell asleep as I had some comfort knowing that God was near. Then I went back to work today. I had a “hard” day to say the least. I drove home and wasn’t sure what emotion I was feeling but it was anything but happy. I called a friend to chat and she thankfully listened to me. I’d be lost without family and friends.

As I got home I couldn’t figure out what I needed to do to calm down and to find some solid ground to stand on. Then I spotted that book again. I gather a radio, Fresca and book and went out to the deck to read. Yes, I’m strange… I listen to music while reading. It’s a personality quirk that I have.

So, as I am reading I am getting more encouraged then I come across a story about music. I always seem to connect the most with music so I paid close attention this story and it featured the song “His Eye Is On The Sparrow”. It quoted a few lines which got me singing the song as I closed the book and headed into the house to come upstairs and download the song so I could listen to it.

Then God decided to step in and hit me with some lyrics I wasn’t prepared for…

His Eye is On the Sparrow

Verse 1

Why should I feel discouraged, why should the shadows come,
Why should my heart be lonely, and long for heaven and home,
When Jesus is my portion? My constant friend is He:
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

Refrain

I sing because I’m happy,
I sing because I’m free,
For His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.

Verse 2

“Let not your heart be troubled,” His tender word I hear,
And resting on His goodness, I lose my doubts and fears;
Though by the path He leadeth, but one step I may see;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

Verse 3

Whenever I am tempted, whenever clouds arise,
When songs give place to sighing, when hope within me dies,
I draw the closer to Him, from care He sets me free;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

A little blown away I’ll say. I also must say that God’s at work… as I prayed for some comfort/peace and reassurance I get a text message from another friend that reads:
“You should come up to church this month. It’s my month to sing so at least you will know I’ll be there.”

Amazing how in a moment of weakness that God will provide you some encouragement to say that someone out there was thinking about me as I cried out to God. Thanks God.

That’s my “personal-heart-is-on-a-page” post of the moment. Enjoy.

God Bless,
- JM 

So I was trying to find some witty song to post lyrics to that is titled “Winds of Change” but sadly couldn’t.

Yeah, the winds of change are evident in my life right now. I have a lot going on and I would love to write about it but just don’t feel ready yet. I had an awesome weekend. I found out some news (which I’ll eventually announce) and let’s just say that it eased my mind and I think that it’s going to work out to be something great.

I was able to see my friend Karen and her funny nephew Jacob. He’s such a character. I also got to see my Aunt and her family (they’re up from TN). I had an awesome breakfast with Katy and we were able to catch-up on life. It’s amazing how we can go for weeks without seeing each other and over some omlets at our “spot” and some iced tea we can spill everything from funny stories to the deepest of thoughts and feelings of what goes on in our minds and in our lives.

I hate to start the week but at least I can look forward to the fourth of July! I’m going to try and score some vacation so I can get a break from work and catch up on some yardwork I’ve been wanting to do. There are a few things that need done around the house as well so I’d like to get that done this week too.

So, I’m going to get off here and get to bed. It is 12:10 AM and I’m now no longer officially on-call for another 5 weeks. THANK GOD. If I got one more phone call or e-mail I was going to hurt someone… LOL.

Night,
-JM 

If God could write me a short e-mail right now I think it would go something like this…

Dear John,

Please stop asking the question. I’ve given you the answer. If the first few attempts at using fortune cookies, people, music, sermons wasn’t enough… I hope tonight’s viewing of Shrek 3 would get my point across.

Love,
God

As I’ve stated on my blog I’ve been work with God on some life changes. I’m not talking a little life change, but something much bigger. Something that will change my life forever. To die out to the person I was and become a new person.

During this time of prayer and “soul searching” as I so affectionately refer to it in blogging I’ve come up with so many ideas, found new passions, reignited old passions and explored many new areas of life. So then I’d come back all the time to God with fists full of ideas and “things” that I’d like my life to have/be. Then I’d ask God that ever magical question…
“How do I do this?”

So, I’d wait, like every good Christian for my answer. I’d pray fervently that God would provide some guidance and tell me what I need to do to get started. I must say that I’m slightly embarrassed at the answer that I’ve come up with.

I personally thought I needed some divine intervention and have some huge miracle played out for me to pursue a life changing experience. You know, one of those good ol’ fashioned “come to Jesus meet-ins” as some would say. When I found that God was trying to tell me all along in His way what I needed to do.

I got it in this Sunday’s sermon. I got it in some music I listened to on the way home that day and this morning on the way to work. Never really sank in until I finally sat down and watched Shrek 3 and Artie said the following line at the end…

“If there’s something you want to do, or someone you really want to be, then the only one standing in your way… is you. “

Leave it to me to find meaning in a comedic animated movie but that line really stuck with me. It’s the message that God’s been trying to tell me all this time. That I need no earth shattering revelation in life… I’m the only one holding me back. Yeah, I guess sometimes we can’t see the answer even when it’s in front our face.

So now that I’ve settled the question onto the action. Not sure really where I’m going to start I just know that I’m going to get moving and get on with my life that God has set before me. Stay tuned…

Night,
- JM

P.S. - RHIIT Part 3 is coming. Weather hasn’t permitted me to run outside.